Jaded
by Pie for President '16
Summary: What if the series premiere had played out differently than it did? It's now fifteen years later, in the autumn of 2011. The story is told from a twenty-one year old Ruthie's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

This fanfic is wildly AU, but with quite a few canonical plots in it. The existence of Robbie, as seen in this chapter, is one of those.

You _could_ say this is a better version of "Wasted", but please don't think of it like that. First, the AUness begins in season one instead of five. You'll see what I mean. Second, this was thought of back in March...over eleven years after _Wasted_ was thought of. 

* * *

"Are we really going to do this?" Ruthie asked her boyfriend of almost four years, Robbie Palmer.

"Yes, I think this is the best. I want your dad to marry us and I know you do."

"Just because I'm pregnant? That's hardly a reason to get married!"

"No, not just because you're pregnant. I've wanted to marry you for a long time, but you've always been against it."

"Yeah, because that would mean we'd go back to California. I told you ten years ago, I'm never going back. Besides, why would my dad want to marry _us_? He doesn't care about me; otherwise he would've come to look for me."

"He does care about you and he misses you. He'd love to see you again."

"How would you know? You haven't spoken to him in a decade!"

"Actually..." Robbie trailed off.

"What?" Ruthie demanded. "You've been talking to him all this time?"

"Not the whole time, just the past year or so. He's the one that called me, I didn't go calling him."

Ruthie let out a sigh and put a hand on her stomach.

"Does he know?"

"No, I haven't told him. I figured it was your news to tell."

"I don't know if I can do this, Robbie."

"You can, I'll be with you the whole time."

"What if they don't react well?"

"They will. You're a grown woman now, Ruthie. You aren't eleven anymore. They'll eventually accept that and then accept us."

"Fine, let's do this, then."

"Good, because I've booked our flight. We leave in a few hours."

"A few hours?!"

"Yeah, I want to get there as soon as possible."

"Fine." Ruthie walked to their bedroom, pulling out a suitcase and began packing.

Truthfully, Ruthie did want to go back to California to see her family. As insane and messed-up as they were, her family always meant a lot to her. But the words they said that day, ten years earlier, still stung and made her angry. They outright offended Robbie and Ruthie couldn't take it. She remembered the night she left.

_After everyone had gone to bed, Ruthie grabbed her packed duffel bag and Hello Kitty suitcase and slowly crept downstairs. She knew Robbie would be leaving the Camdens permanently very soon, he did tell her parents he'd be out before the morning and then she overheard Robbie telling Simon he'd be leaving late that night._

_Ruthie had been sitting at the kitchen table for fifteen minutes when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She looked up to see Robbie with a suitcase and large laundry bag._

_"Ruthie!" He whispered. "What are you doing down here?"_

_"I'm coming with you."_

_"What?"_

_Ruthie stood._

_"I can't stand it here anymore, I have to get away. And I want to go away with you. After what my parents said today, I just don't know. They had no right to say that to you, it was wrong and totally inappropriate."_

_"Ruthie, you have to stay here. Your parents will be worried about you."_

_Ruthie rolled her eyes and scoffed._

_"Who cares about them? Come on, Robbie; take me with you, please?"_

_"Your parents will miss you; they only said what they said because they're worried about you."_

_"Oh, please, they're not worried about me! They just want to control everyone. Look, I'll write a letter if it makes you feel any better."_

_Ruthie walked to the drawer and pulled out a notepad and pen. She wrote a page-long note to her parents and Simon, and then taped it to the fridge._

_"There. Now we can go."_

_"If I get a call from them, I'm going to say it was your idea."_

_"You won't; it's like I said, they don't care about me. They didn't care about Matt, Mary or Lucy either; otherwise, my parents would've made them stay."_

_"But they were adults, you're only eleven."_

_Ruthie shrugged._

_"Matt was sixteen when my parents kicked him out."_

_Robbie ran a hand through his hair._

_"Fine, but as I already said, if they call, I'll say it was your idea."_

_"And like I already said, they _won't _call."_

_"All right, let's go, then." Robbie held the door open for Ruthie and they left the house._

Ruthie was right, her parents and brother never bothered to call her. But she was sure they read her one-page note. She'd told them how angry she was with them and that she was leaving with Robbie. Ruthie also added that they shouldn't ever expect to see her again.

Here she was, just over ten years later, packing her bags for a trip back to California.


	2. Chapter 2

The drive from the airport to the Camden parsonage seemed to be too short for Ruthie's liking. Before she knew it, the yellow taxicab was pulling into the driveway. Ruthie unbuckled while Robbie paid the driver, who then got out and collected their luggage from the trunk.

Once Ruthie and Robbie had gathered their belongings, they walked to the door with Ruthie a couple steps behind Robbie.

"It's going to be fine, Ruthie." Robbie reassured her for the hundredth time that day. She just nodded, not saying anything. Robbie gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and knocked on the door. A minute passed before the door swung open, revealing a young girl with wavy blonde hair. She looked like she was around nine or ten years old.

"Hi, is this the Camden residence?" Robbie asked.

"Yeah, and who are you?" The girl asked, crossing her arms.

"We're old friends." Ruthie said. That was _partially _the truth.

The girl looked at them carefully. Ruthie was wondering whose daughter she could be.

_Could this be the baby Simon and Sasha were going to have?_ She asked herself.

"Sure, let me get my dad. Come in." The girl stepped aside to let Ruthie and Robbie into the house. Once they were inside with the door shut, the girl disappeared into the kitchen. Soon, a man with short dirty blonde hair appeared.

_This has to be Simon! So this means he and Sasha did keep the baby!_

"Hi, how can I-" He started, but then stopped when he saw his little sister.

"Ruthie!" Simon cried, wrapping his arms around Ruthie and giving her a hug.

"Oh, it's great to see you!" Simon said, pulling away. He then looked over at Robbie.

"Hey. What brings you back here? It's great to see you again! Of course, it would've been nice if you'd called in the past ten years."

"It's great to see you too. We'll talk about that later. Where are Mom and Dad?"

Simon's smile fell. Before he had the chance to speak, though, a petite woman with long, wavy, blond hair appeared.

"Simon? Ruthie, is that you?"

Ruthie nodded. Sasha still managed to look beautiful, even after all these years.

"Wow, it's great to see you! Simon, let them come in! Come on, you must be starved. We're going to have dinner soon." Sasha wrapped an arm around Ruthie's shoulder and guided her into the kitchen.

"This is Melanie, we call her Annie for short." Sasha explained, introducing Ruthie to her niece, who was now sitting at the kitchen table.

"You named her after my mom?"

Sasha nodded.

"Did something happen to her?"

"Annie, sweetie, why don't you run upstairs to check on your sister and make sure she's ready for dinner."

"Ok." Annie stood from the table and ran up the stairs.

"Ruthie, things changed after you and Robbie left. I don't know how to explain it. Your dad, well, he… You should sit down." Sasha let out a sigh.

Ruthie took a seat at the counter. At this time, Robbie and Simon walked in.

"I was about to tell Ruthie what happened to your parents." Sasha told her husband.

"I think I should be the one to tell her, Sasha."

"All right, go right ahead." Sasha opened the fridge and pulled out a foiled-covered pan. Ruthie focused her gaze on her big brother.

"After you left, Mom and Dad had this huge fight about you and the others. At some point, one of them mentioned divorce and that was it."

"They're divorced?"

Simon nodded.

"Mom moved out and took the twins with her. But she became depressed and Dad had to take the twins back here to live with him. A year after they divorced, Mom- well, Mom committed suicide."

Ruthie's jaw fell open.

"She _what_?! I don't believe it! Robbie, did you know?"

Robbie shook his head.

"I sensed something was off, but I figured it was just them missing you and the others."

"There's more, Dad lives in Missouri now. Remember Serena?"

"Serena?" Ruthie asked, confused.

"That woman who was making the moves on Dad?"

"Oh, yeah. Dad married her?"

Simon nodded.

"They eloped just months before Mom died. After the church fired Dad, he and Serena took off for Missouri. I haven't seen him in a few years."

"Wow." Ruthie gasped.

The room was silent for some time until Annie came back down the stairs, holding the hand of a smaller child. This small child had brown hair in waves.

"We're ready, Mom."

Sasha turned around from the stove and smiled at her two daughters.

"I'd like you girls to meet some very special people." Sasha said, picking up the brunette child, who had to be around three.

"Kacie and Annie, meet your aunt; Ruthie. Ruthie, these are your nieces, Annie and Kacie."

"She can't be your sister, Mom." Annie said.

"She's mine." Simon informed his daughter.

"I thought you didn't have any family?"

Simon chuckled nervously, looking at his sister.

"I'll tell you later."

At that moment, the oven door dinged, signalling that the family's dinner was ready.


	3. Chapter 3

You'll find out just what happened in the series premiere that caused everything to be the way it is now. I'd give a warning, but it'd be a spoiler. ;) 

* * *

"So, will you tell me why Annie and Kacie didn't think you had any family?" Ruthie asked her brother once she and Simon were finally alone in the living room. Robbie had just gone upstairs and Sasha went up an hour and half earlier.

Simon let out a sigh and sat forward, placing his elbows on his knees and linking his hands together as if he was about to pray.

"Well, Sasha was living with us when everything fell apart between Mom and Dad. Melanie was just about to be born when Mom left, taking David and Sam with her. It was literally the worst Christmas I've ever had and, to make matters worse, Sasha and I saw Dad with another woman a few days after Mom left. It was Serena, they were making out in a secluded part of the movie theater. The lights were dim, but I knew it was Dad with that filthy whore."

"Simon!" Ruthie berated her brother.

"Sorry." Simon apologized, and took a deep breath.

"Anyways, I'd planned on confronting Dad about it when we got home but Sasha's water broke then ad we had to rush to the hospital. After Melanie had been born, Sasha suggested I call Dad but I outright said 'no' because I didn't want him associated with my gorgeous baby girl. I did not want Melanie associated with people like him or Serena. Sasha was shocked by this, but she eventually agreed. So, after a few weeks, we moved out and got a place of our own by the Promenade. I heard from Mom sometimes the next month, she told me the divorce papers finally came through and she signed it. She sounded completely different; her voice was hollow and robotic. It was a bit chilling, if you ask me. I told Sasha about this and she suggested I go visit Mom, so I did. It was a sight I'll never forget. Mom lost thirty pounds, she seemed to have lost all her hair and what was left was completely grey, her apartment was a mess. She told me that Dad had just been by to take Sam and David back to live with him and Serena. That was the last time I saw her, I couldn't stomach the scene. Dad and Serena eloped that Christmas and Mom died on Melanie's first birthday."

By now, Simon had tears streaming down his face. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. Ruthie was at a loss for words.

_How could this have happened to Mom and Dad?_

"Wow." Ruthie breathed.

"I did go out to visit Dad for every now and then up until the time Kacie was born. Annie always wondered where I went when I went out to Missouri and I told her I had to go on a business trip. She was six at the time, and I knew she'd begin to see right through those lies."

"I can't believe this."

"I told you, things changed after you and Robbie left. To be honest, I told my daughters the truth in a way. I don't want to have anything to do with Dad and I haven't seen him in three years. I don't plan on seeing him again, and I hope to God my daughters don't ever meet him."

"What about Matt, Mary and Lucy?"

Simon shrugged.

"It has been fifteen years since I last saw Matt; I have no idea where he is now. Dad made it clear to us that he didn't want us to keep in touch with him."

"What did he do?" Ruthie asked.

"You don't remember?"

Ruthie shook her head. She had only been five when Matt was kicked out. Her older siblings tried to talk as little as they could about him around her but, being the expert sneak she had been during her childhood, she heard snippets about him. Everything they said, though, was not bad and she never figured out why he was kicked out. She never asked any of her siblings and was always afraid of asking her parents about him.

_The only thing on his mind today was to convince God to give him a dog. He was ten, but a very grown ten! He could handle the responsibility of caring for a dog! His parents were ridiculous, saying he couldn't have a dog. Well, who were they to say what he could or couldn't have? He'd obviously have to ask God Himself as He had the closest relationship to Simon. God was omnipresent. Was that the right word? Ah, but God knew all, basically._

_In between eating and spending time with Ruthie doing silly things five year olds liked, Simon knelt by the window and prayed to God. It was after lunch, Simon's stomach was full and this meant he could form his thoughts and make his plea more coherently._

_"God, are you there? It's me, Simon. Yep, it's Simon once again and I'm asking you for what has to be the millionth time; please give me a dog. I know my parents are saying I'm too irresponsible, but they don't know me as well as you do. Only you know me the best, God, and you know I can handle having a dog. Right? So, please, God. Again, I'm begging you, please give me a dog. I promise I'll take full responsibility for it and take care of it. Even when it's puking it's guts—"_

_Simon's plea was interrupted by the sound of his father's yelling. Simon unclutched his hands, breaking the link of communication between himself and God._

_"… Kissing your sister! How fucked up is that, Matthew!"_

_Simon crept into the corner and brought his knees up to his chest. He never heard his father yell or swear._

_"I want you out, now! I will not stand to have such perversity in this house!"_

_"But Dad, it was her idea!"_

SLAP!

_Simon's let out a gasp and his eyes widened._

_"You're really blaming your fourteen year old sister? Bullshit, Matt! Now go upstairs, pack your bags, and get out. You're not welcomed back!"_

_"Dad! This is totally unfair! You're not thinking straight."_

_"I'm not thinking straight, no, Matt—"_

_"What's going on?" Simon heard his mother's gentle voice._

_"What's going on is our son committed incest."_

_"Wh- what? Is this true, Matt?"_

_"No, Mom, it isn't true. I'm telling you, Dad's lost his mind!"_

_"I was taking out the garbage and I… Ugh, I wish I never saw it. No, I wish it never happened. What the hell were you thinking, Matt? That's considered rape in some places!"_

_"Rape? Dad, I just kissed her!"_

_"Your own sister, who just turned fourteen!"_

_"You kissed your own sister, Matt?"_

_"It's a long story and I can explain if you'd just let me!"_

_"No, no explanation necessary. How do you explain incest? Now go do what I told you and go! No talking to your siblings! I'm going to tell them they can't have any contact with you and don't you try contacting them!"_

_"Mom!"_

_"I'm sorry, but I agree with your father. You need to leave. As quickly as possible."_

_"Fine. If you want me to go, I'll go. But you're going to regret this."_

_"Simon?" The small, quiet voice of his little sister, Ruthie said. She was standing in her footie pajamas, holding onto a stuffed lion._

_"Why is Daddy yelling?" Simon could see she had tear stains on her cheeks and was shaking._

_"Come here." Simon held out his arm and Ruthie sat by his side. He wrapped his arm around her and held her close._

_"Don't worry about it."_

_"Is Matt really leaving?"_

_"Yeah, he is."_

_"I'm going to miss him."_

_"I am too."_

"Did he really kiss Mary?" Ruthie asked once Simon was done retelling the story.

Simon shrugged and sat back on the couch.

"I never found out, but I think he did. But I just don't understand why Dad wouldn't let him explain what happened. From what I've heard, it sounds like it was all Mary's idea. She wanted to know what it was like to kiss boys and asked Matt to kiss her."

"Wow! That's so messed up!" Ruthie said in disbelief.

"Tell me about it. So, why did you come back?"

Ruthie let out a sigh.

"I'm two months pregnant."

"Who's the father?"

"Robbie, who else? I was going to see if Dad could marry us."

"Oh. Trust me; you don't want him to be the one to marry you two. He lost his license to marry people after he got fired. Do you remember Cheryl, Robbie's ex-girlfriend?"

"Yeah, what about her?"

"She marries people who are pregnant out of wedlock. You should call her, she works at the teen shelter down the street."

"I'll think about it, thanks Simon."

"Not a problem. Now, you should get to sleep." Simon stood and Ruthie did the same.

"It's nice to see you again, Simon." Ruthie smiled, giving her brother a hug.

"It's nice to see you too. Good night."


End file.
